All Entries

Today I’ve been thinking about my favorite Christmas that we have shared. It was when you got let go at Major Hospital and we were broke. I went to work, and when I came home and opened the door it smelled so good. As I walked up the stairs, you met me at the top for a hug. When I looked around, you had decorated for Christmas while I was gone. The whole place was lit up and festive. It felt like walking into a movie scene, except it was ours. This is the same year you gave m

Just a quick entry for today. I keep thinking about our early days of dating when I was working in Plainfield and then when you were working in Avon. I used to love that we would bring each other Starbucks or we would go pick the other person up and go through Starbucks together. I remember so many beautiful blue sky days with that being a bright spot in them. It was so light and cute and fun. Nothing complicated. Just two people who liked each other finding tiny excuses to s

Continuing along with the travel theme, there is one thing that you and I do together that I like just about more than anything else. That is our ability to make a house a home. We started with our first place on Michigan Road. Within weeks that place felt like a cozy little cave away from the world and a nest that we made into our own. The decorations, how everything was placed, the notes left around, the fireplace crackling, all of it. It felt safe. We did the same thing at

One thing that I’m not enjoying about this journal is that things are so one sided. I mean, that is the nature of something like this, but even so, it is difficult. What I mean is that I don’t know your thoughts on so many things. Like me, you don’t talk much about what is going on inside, and I don’t have a journal of your thoughts to draw from. So I am left wondering what is going on inside of your heart and mind. What are you thinking about when you go to sleep at night? W

Speaking of California and travel from yesterday, our travels have been on my mind today. If there is any sort of divine influence over the events in our life, then I am sure that the gift of being able to travel with you for five years was given so that my injury would not completely devastate me. Had I fallen and become paralyzed without having traveled the country with the woman I love, I am not quite sure where I would be mentally and emotionally. Those memories are like

I’ve been thinking about California a lot today. It’s probably because of the memories that have been popping up on Facebook of the initial sunsets we saw while we were there. I can still recall the feeling in the air those first few days. I remember the first sunset walk. I can remember how the air smelled, how our little apartment felt, the broken sidewalk that we took to the beach, the feel of the bench beneath my skin, the weight of Watson pulling on the leash, the sound

I remember reading as a kid that an ant can carry multitudes more weight than its own body. It always amazed me that the tiniest thing could carry the most weight per capita. You amaze me in the same way. First, you took care of me. Then you started a side business that grew like wildfire. Then you started a graduate program, no easy task. Now you are getting ready to start work again. And after that, you are going to throw clinicals on top of everything. I honestly do not kn

Today you asked me why I write all of the loving things in this journal and don’t tell you anything. The way you phrased it was pretty deflating in that you find these words to be, I don’t know, hollow? Hypocritical? I couldn’t quite tell, but it didn’t feel good. That said, let me tell you why I write. Primarily, I write because it has always been the easiest avenue for me to express myself. This has been a universal truth my whole life. It has been the only way I am able to

I’m taking a break from writing about the earliest days of our relationship and focusing more on topics that are on my mind each day as I sit down to write an entry. I’ll come back to the early days sometime next week and continue my build then. Entries might be a little bit shorter now and then as well. This is so I can break down topics into multiple sessions and expand on the little ideas that pop into my mind while writing. I would rather take my time and explore those li

So on the previous post, I told you about a particular day this spring that I’m looking forward to. I got to thinking about us walking / rolling lol down the street together and what that will feel like. And what I hope you feel differently than before. So here it is: I hope that you’ll feel chosen. Prioritized. That you’ll feel an investment in us. I will have chosen our love and experiences over fear of the unknown and what others may or may not think of me in my wheelchair