Day 1

On our first date at Starbucks, there was a moment where I realized that your heart just wanted to love and be loved. It was that simple and that pure. This revelation is what made me go all in right away. It’s what made me fall for you. It has kept me falling for you every day since then.

Time moved funny back then. That evening and many, many, many days after, time just moved too fast when I was with you and too slow when we were apart. I remember picking the longest movies for us to go see on our dates, even though I had already seen those movies. I just needed to have more time with you by any means necessary.

I’ve often wondered if I could go back to after our first date and have a conversation with myself for one minute, knowing what I know now, what would I say? And the truth is, I don’t think I would say anything. Because truly, things have developed exactly how I hoped they would. Granted, my accident was something that I could never predict and there’s parts of that which has changed parts of our relationship that crush me but as far as the dynamic of our love goes from date number one up until now, our story has developed exactly how I would’ve wanted it to. Our love and compatibility is as good as it gets in this world. Yea, I wouldn’t say anything because the story didn’t need correcting. Because the love didn’t need warning. Because even knowing the pain ahead, I wouldn’t trade the shape of what we’ve built.

A random thought I had this morning:

One thing that has always been sacred to me is time driving in a car. Of course I’m speaking about before my accident, but that was one of my sacred moments was when it was just me in a car, music playing and air flowing in. I never really liked it when people were in a car with me because they would have to fill the silence with chatter. But not you. You were content just to be in a space with me, holding my hand on your lap and just being present. We would have conversations, but they weren’t forced or out of obligation or nervousness. You were OK with silence when you were around me because what we were feeling was enough to satiate the need for words and vanquish any potential negative energy. I’ve never met anyone other than you that I can say that about. And you are the first person that I ever wanted into that sacred space of mine. It’s fitting because not more than a few years after this revelation, we would end up spending so many hours in the car together as we traveled all over the United States for five years. I don’t think I could’ve done that with anyone else on this planet. To be able to share that sacred space with you for so many miles and so many hours and days was a gift all in itself.