Day To Day

The accident, like any big Life change, altered the dynamics of our love. It did this in a myriad of ways, but as I think back to the time I was in the hospital and rehab, the most striking change was the shift in who handled logistics.

For most of our relationship I was the planner. In times of crisis, I could stay calm and navigate the waters fairly easy and facilitate our next steps to keep us moving forward. I took pride in doing so. But as I tried to heal and figure out what Life looked like from where I was and moving forward, that all changed. Suddenly, you were the one who had to figure out where we would live, how to transition into that, how to adapt our new living space for me when I came home. All of this you had to do by yourself on top of living everyday life, and it killed me not being able to step in and step up and take that burden off your shoulders.

I still struggle with the lack of influence that I have in day-to-day life in this regard. I don’t know, maybe once I’m off bed rest, and I’m more involved in day-to-day life this feeling of guilt will change, but while I lay here and watch you do everything for us. It’s still a bitter pill to swallow.

I’m so thankful for everything that you do. Even yesterday, when you put up the Christmas tree and clean the living room and then the kitchen, these are things that before my accident I would have done myself and let you relax to enjoy your break from school. Thank you for doing EVERYTHING. I may ever be able to do all of what I did before, but I’ve got to find a way to contribute in this regard for the sake of my own conscience and your heart.