Presence

Continuing on from yesterday, I’ve been thinking about my accident quite a bit. Specifically, I’ve been trying to remember what was going on after I got into the EMS, the whole journey through the medical system, and then when I finally landed in the ICU room at Methodist.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my time in that room when I first had to come to and grapple with the reality of my condition. I didn’t have the gift of foresight like I do now. I had no idea what the future was going to look like. Would I ever go home? Would I ever feel anything past where I felt? Would I ever do any of the thousands of things that I did on a normal basis? I was drowning in a sea of questions and you, you were the only one that could stabilize me.

When I think back there isn’t really anything that I wanted from you except your presence. Your presence alone helped me calm those questions and let me focus on the then and there. It took away my crippling anxiety and depression and just let me soak in the connection that we have. When you had to go home to sleep or go to work, it was the hardest thing to deal with. I’ll admit that it did help knowing that you were working in the same building I was in and that people you knew were coming in and out of my room to check on me. In that regard, we were able to stay connected even when apart.

I guess what I’m getting at is the only thing I needed was your presence and I think it’s been that way since day one. I don’t need gifts, specific emotion, or anything else really, besides your presence. As long as there’s an us then I’m OK. Just as I was OK during the worst days of my life simply because you were there.